Books Build Bonds
Books Build Bonds
This Christmas my boyfriend and I received a really great gift: a gift card to a bookstore where we would choose a book to read together. I normally enjoy reading and I can read anything from Lord of the Rings to Reading Lolita in Tehran. My boyfriend, on the other hand, only enjoys non-fiction, if he reads at all. We were given this gift in order to broaden our relationship and increase our bond. Both of us were excited about the gift but we didn't know just how much it would deepen our relationship.
It took us four trips to various bookstores to find the book we wanted. Because I also enjoy non-fiction works, we agreed to focus on a history book about WWII. While we were searching we discussed topics that interested us, topics about which we wanted to learn more. It was a different and enjoyable experience to delve deeper into our interests and discover our partner's pursuits in knowledge. To be sure, we were already aware of each other's interests, but discussing this for the purpose of finding a common taste in literature increased our awareness of the other and our relationship.
While we read the book we talked about what we learned and how we believe the story applies to today. Our reading allowed us to practice engaging each other intellectually and discover how we individually approach critical thinking. Our thoughts both complemented and challenged each other.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and our time together has allowed us to deepen our connection in a variety of ways. Before we read a book together we had intellectual discussions but not to the degree we shared here. Even more, our experience made us excited to continue learning together, sharing our opinions about global issues, and challenging our beliefs. Because of a book, our bond is deeper.
Adam Has Free Will, Too
Adam Has Free Will, Too
In hanging out with my boyfriend and his friends, I am often taken aback - though not surprised - by some of the things they say or infer about women or relationships with women. The most recent being last night when my boyfriend, his roommate, and I were watching TV. We were watching an early episode of "NCIS" where Abby is stalked by an old boyfriend. The situation turns ugly when Abby's life is threatened and Agent Gibbs and the rest of the gang have to step in to save her life. At this point, my boyfriend's roommate exclaimed, "girls make guys do the worst things". Immediately, my attention turned from enjoying the episode to dealing with this misstatement. I rebuked his ignorance and said "guys make their own choices". To be sure, my remark silenced him and he refrained from expounding any further on any supposed wisdom about the influence of women on men. However, in retrospect I wish I would have approached my response differently to explain to him why he is wrong as opposed to immediately shutting him down (and most likely preventing any insight from leaking into his head).
It is an unfortunate truth that men and women have a difficult time understanding one another. It is further unfortunate when one sex, in this case men, presupposes to understand the other and acts on the belief that their understanding is truth. This creates gender stereotypes and a whole world of mess that affects relationships with women at work, home, and in the dating scene.
Take the exclamation, "girls make guys do the worst things," for example. If my boyfriend's roommate - let's call him N - moves forward with this belief as he approaches working, socializing, and living with women, then he will naturally assume the position of innocence when faced with a dilemma with a woman. But we ladies know his argument is inherently fallacious. For guilt, whether a man is pressured or not, is still guilt. Eve did not force Adam to eat from the tree of good and evil, he made that decision on his own. Adam has free will, too.
Had I taken a minute to kindly explain to N his mistaken understanding, I would have perhaps helped prevent future misunderstandings and spared the women he encounters from further stereotyping in this respect. Alas, my impatience got the better of me. But I will not lose hope, for my boyfriend and his friends have many more blunderings to come and I, in turn, have many more opportunities to impart understanding.
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